#just me pmsing
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To be a woman is to be filled with sadness, it's in our innate biology and chemistry.
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goodbye im literally twirling my hair and SOBBING over this
#my cycle just started too im pmsing and this is so cute it’s making me ill#god please I need this man to be real#sorry to my man but JFC#I NEED HIM#FERALLY#lads#love and deepspace#lads sylus#sylus#lnds#love and deepspace sylus#lnds sylus#lads spoilers#SYLUS SPOILERS
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I think something so wonderful about sunny is that she is such a little girl. The admin that plays sunny does such a good job of giving her a distinct personality but in a way that everyone who was a little girl can identify with. I’ve seen so many people talk about how they acted like sunny did as a kid or would remember specific memories with their dad that they made as a kid that sunny and tubbos dynamic brought back to the surface.
Sunny being a little firecracker and “spoiled” girl while also being incredibly shy and kindhearted and wanting to be friends with everyone. The way she has an idea of what people like (money, fame, respect) and trying to demand that because she wants to be someone important and respected like a leader or princess would but still giving “poor” members diamonds to become rich because she would never want to turn away a potential friend.
It’s genuinely so sweet and beautiful that so many people can relive personal parts of their childhood as a little girl/kid and remember the good times and awkward time and see how they’ve grown as a person just from a Minecraft egg. It’s so fun to watch sunny interact with tubbo and think of how often I would “help” my dad with projects or how I would demand wearing a dress over a skirt because I wanted to look fancy for dinner.
It really just reminds me how we are all people and all experience similar things growing up. No one had the same situation, or the same family or even the same country, but we all had the same emotions and feelings and we can all identify with them by watching a Minecraft egg as silly as it sounds
#I just love how sunny admin is able to bring so many different people together with the same emotions and feelings#but we all have such different backgrounds#it’s genuinely heartwarming that a pixelated egg can do that#maybe i’m overthinking it#and maybe I’m emotional bc I’m pmsing but I want to cry when I see sunny and think about how I grew up#and how much I loved my dad and how similar sunny and tubbo are to me and my dad when I was sick#qsmp#qsmp sunny#qsmp sunnysideup#meta analysis#kinda????#I’m just being corny and w emotional#qsmp tubbo#tubbo#thank you to anyone who read my long ass rant LMAO
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okay none of this is coherent bc i'm on the verge of sleep at 9pm rn but that right hand man as dog post literally has my gears turning bc that's mitch fucking marner bro. that's mitch and there are so many levels to it. mitch who has made his whole career being the assist guy... takes pride in the fact that he can help the team even if that results in his point accumulation seeming lesser bc they're not goals. taking advantage of the skills and iq he possesses to try to make the people around him better and literally set them up for success...always the first one there to congratulate them on it too.... literally naming his whole foundation the marner assist foundation bc he embraces that role on a team with a generational goal scorer who's made it clear he wants to play with MITCH and appreciates mitch's talent and communication. like. actually his right winger... his right hand man. okay and even happy with being the second best, as he's been for large portions of his life w an older bro who's good at everything right on into a stacked draft class.
and mitch personality wise gets the dog description sometimes too. loyal, happy go lucky, wants to be around his guys all the time, and it's where he's the happiest and thrives the most. he's energetic, he's buzzin, he's willing to entertain, he's the life and love in that room in so many ways that are loud.... that bark but don't necessarily bite (THOUGH THEY CAN BITE. criticism can be doled out and taken as long as it's from the right places with him) but like. especially when he was younger too, he was literally the team emotional support puppy who loved cuddles and attention and with age comes protection from the outside a little bit..,. dialing back what he's willing to show or admit to people on the outside but it's still there and what keeps the camaraderie alive despite an ever rotating roster. and i kNOW. i know. so much dog imagery and symbolism has to do with being protective and fierce, and in hockey for mitch that doesn't necessarily translate on the ice the same way bc he's not big and rough and physically forward the way some people wish he was, but he probably would take a bullet for most of those guys. and in ways, he has taken on the shield or become the punching bag... he was with babcock, he's taken on the scapegoat with media so a lot of critique is thrown squarely at him for group failure. he's the martyr even if that's not exactly what he signed up for.
he's grown more guarded but he's LITERALLY. literally. a dog. a dawg. auston's dawg.... their dawg. the epitome of lots of good things about hockey culture (and i'm sure some bad too), but he embodies so much of the loyalty.. the side kick.. the best friend energy in some ways.... it makes me emo. and....... and to think of him with his own dog trying to recreate unbridled joy from his childhood (cut to those pics of him as a kid w his chocolate lab vs him now w zeus).... like he's desperate for love and recognition of his loyalty and companionship. he's gotten used to being second fiddle, not necessarily in any resentful way but like. these past few weeks he's kind of gotten to step up and be the guy™. he's the heartbeat...... the dog's not usually meant to be the main character but maybe he is worthy of it.
#mitch marner#all of that to say: good boy#anyway none of this means anything im just rambling n sentimental and pmsing an d images arre flashing in my head rrn like#theres web weaving nonsense in there somewhere but idk if therres a tight enough conclusion to draw to make it so but.#also lead me to violent imageyr but ill save that in my brain but im just saying#martyrdom is real sometimes.#klfdsjklfsjkdl#he will NOT be the sacrifice on this fucking team orr ill burn that city to the ground no problem lol#this is a semi oversimplification of some parts of his personality but obviously. we do not know him.#BUT HIS JOURNEY. IS THE JOURNEY OF THE SECOND BEST WHO TAKES A LOT OF HEAT. AND A LOT OF BLAME. in the shadow of the person he loves#its main charracter enerrgy even if the dog rarely is#i feel like therre was a pivot in media for a while w a shift to charracters that were morre like. Side role archetypes like#anyway.#help is this nonsense everryone look away#m like that lisa meme#tumblr is my own private journal where i put together the least academic thoughts imaginable soryr abt that
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honestly, now i'm feeling bitter about the translators' queerbaiting.
it's not even because i think it's their fault.
it's just that they let me dream and now i'm facing the reality that
1 - Megumi wanted Yuji to be by Miki's side, not he
. 2 - Yuji was saying it would be lonely without Megumi there, not that he felt lonely without Megs.
like.
okay.
it wasn't expected, but i'll work on getting over it (spoiler, i won't and i'll feel like a sad clown the rest of the week)
#itafushi#I'm just bitter and PMSing#don't take me seriously#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#megumi fushiguro#jjk spoilers#fushiguro megumi#itadori yuji#fushiita#yuji itadori
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Girl... I'm so needy and emotional today. Damn, I just want someone to hold me so tight that I can't breathe. Someone who loves me so much that they convince me to do the same. Uhg, why did I have to be so freaking hard to love!?
#girl problems#tumblr girls#girl stuff#just girly thoughts#just girly things#this is what makes us girls#girlhood#girl help#girl hysteria#female hysteria#lost#lost girl#i'm just a girl#hell is a teenage girl#girl issues#im pmsing#hormonal imbalance#girlblogging#needy girl overdose#somebody help me#i need a boyfriend
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having to look for a publishing company is so daunting omg but I don’t wanna self publish again 😭😭😭😭
#maybe it’s bc I’m pmsing but the thought just makes my heart get so tight#ITS SO SCARY!!!!!#makes me feel sooo vulnerable#but I really want a publisher this time#I think that’s why I took such a long hiatus writing my novel bc I got so intimidated since I’m so close to finishing it :(#but I’m writing again!!! and close to the end!!!#AHHHH IM SO SCARED#—in store chit chat! 🍫
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i obviously have no issue with pitching in on a work related task that can benefit from more than one pair of hands but my fucking shit from a butt coworker is always just interrupting whatever i'm doing to ask me to do stuff FOR him that he can easily do himself he does this multiple times a day and it has been bothering me for months and today i finally said something bc i was in the middle of counting something and he asked me to walk to the other side of the room (roughly the length of like a grocery aisle like. huge room) to see if a fax printed out because i was literally like 4 steps closer than he was. this coming after he was puttering around doing other unnecessary stuff for fully a half hour bc he refused to pull the big case on the top of the pile. so i snapped at him and now he's big mad abt it LMAO like i am so bad at saying no that i usually just do it but i am doooooone being walked all over by fully a 24 yr old that is still relatively new like fuck offffffff
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my jobs getting in the way of blogging and reading fan fiction. i should quit.
#on a real note this is actually a really good job for me and im happier#if you saw that post about me being suicidal i was just being a dramatic pmsing little bitch im literally fine#i do wish i had more time to make gifs and read the fic im beta reading tho#i also need to get better at running a queue omg i suck at queuing#honestly most my dash is photography not shows so i gotta stalk some source blogs if i wanna get a good consistant queue going#im gonna tag byler for funzies
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So, bit of ramblings on my Post-Trimax Wolfwood headcanons.
Man, one of my favorite tropes in media is a character who's spirit lingers on after they've died, but it's usually something you only see in fanfic, so I cannot get over how FUCKING FERAL I was when I realized that it was legit a thing in Trimax, and that Wolfwood was the one we actually got to see, legitimately talking to the people he'd left behind and confirming that ghosts in the canon weren't just hallucinations or something! Like yeah, we saw Tessla leading the boys to her body, but since her ghost was never mentioned again, it could have easily have been written off as a fluke, right?
NOPE. They are real and they linger after to watch over the people they care about or to send messages to the people who are still alive! And the fact that the character who had just wormed his way into being just as beloved to me as my favorite character (Which NEVER happens, I usually only have enough brain cells for one at a time!) and that we had just had our hearts ripped to shreds watching him die was also the one we got to know had definitely stayed behind to watch over the people he loved just makes me SO HAPPY! I rp that asshole from time to time, and I just love exploring the implications of it!
I play him like he's been there a LONG TIME. When he died, Rem was there, watching over Vash, but when Knives spent the last of his energy, she chose to move on with him, now that she knew Wolfwood would be there to keep watch over Vash, and he took it SERIOUSLY. He's been waiting so long, he's lost his sense of time, he thinks it's only been a couple decades when it's been CENTURIES. And the time has softened his own trauma, he's gone from being surly and angry and defensive to being at peace and finding comfort in the fact that its allowed him to see more of Vash's life than he ever would have been able to live long enough to see when he was alive. And it's given him time to notice just how unwell Vash is, how broken he is, watching over him when he thinks he's alone and lets himself break down.
But it's also made Wolfwood a bit unwell in his own way; as time went on and the people he knew in life began to pass away, too, his interest in paying attention to what the people around them were doing wained, and his dedication to watching over Vash until it was his time to pass on became a strange sort of dependence. He loses his sense of self, in a way, until the most important thing in his existence is being there for Vash, waiting for him, having long-since accepted that when the time comes, it'll be over and he's alright with that.
He's happy, but to the perspective of a living person, it would seem TWISTED in a way. He still thinks he's a damned soul, stealing more time than he's allowed and only damning himself further by doing so, and he just knows that when he gets to walk Vash into whatever comes after for them, they'll be separated again, for the last time, and there won't be any coming back from it that time, because Vash is too good, too kind, too HOLY to ever be damned. But it's fine. Wolfwood knew he was damned long before his death, and time has just given him the chance to make peace with it and simply be happy with the fact that at least he'll be able to be with Vash when he can move on to wherever good people go at the end. And yet when it happens, Vash feels the same way about himself, so certain that he's the one who's damned, and their reunion is wonderful and painful and terrifying for both of them in different ways.
He's even worse with interacting with people, once he's forced to interact with the living. I play Wolfwood in a game where he stumbles into revealing himself after spending centuries never letting himself be seen, and he worries that going "silent" again will upset people. He's spent centuries being a silent shadow, certain that letting Vash know he was there would only cause more suffering for an already unwell mind, so he's forgotten how to interact with tact, blurting out whatever pops into his head because he's only had himself to talk to for all that time. He hurts people without meaning to, begins to suffer from the crisis of worrying that no matter what he does, he's a burden to the people who mourn him, he doesn't belong, his existence is nothing but a constant reminder of what's coming and will only cause the people around him pain. He's both able to be the kind, caring, loving person he might have been if the Eye of Michael had never taken him from the orphanage, and also a HUGE, ANXIOUS WRECK.
And the thing that makes it all worse for him is the fact that when he was dumped into the game I have him in, he was separated from the Vash of his timeline, and now lives in constant fear that he'll never see him again, that he won't be there when he passes on and there won't be anyone to greet him on the other side, alone and never knowing that he was waiting for him. He made a promise to Rem that he'd watch over him for her, that he'd lead him to his final destination where he could be with his family again, and now that he's lost that, what purpose does he have? He's terrified to let go himself, worried he'll pass onto the other side when Vash was right around the corner, but the thought of lingering without finding him again, missing his chance to be there for him when it's his turn, leaves him in an almost constant state of almost-panic.
I also just think it's kind of sweetly poetic, if in the end, he chose to continue the role he'd been forced into; take Vash where he's supposed to be. Only this time, it's his choice, and it won't be to his death. He wants to guide him to where he knows people are waiting for him, where he'll finally be happy and be at peace. He doesn't mind the fact that he's going to Hell, so long as he was able to be the one that leads Vash to the place where he won't have to be in pain ever again.
#Trigun#Trigun Maximum#Nicholas D. Wolfwood#Vash the Stampede#This probably is a bit insufferably angsty#I can't tell#I'm PMSing and having Vashwood feels and I'm making it eveyone else's problem!#But no really though I fuckin' LOVE ghosts in media!#Favorite trope 10/10 would rip my heart out again!#RP musings#Vashwood#Also yeah this may be completely out of character to other people but#S H R U G#This is just where my brain lead me when I started wondering what Wolfwood's ghost did after Trimax#Also I know it doesn't exactly fit canon but his Vash has started developing salt-and-pepper streaks in his black hair#and little age lines because he's like 500 YEARS OLD at that point or something#andI kind of love that mental image#Wolfwood still thinks he's the most beautiful thing on No Man's Land but he's VERY biased and has developed a bit of an unhealthy fixation
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I don’t know why but my husbands mere presence is just annoying me lately.
#not PMSing#just the sight of him makes me angry????? lol#I’m tired of being the default parent and the person who handles everything
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Today Pinterest told me this guy is literally me
And I know why now.
#the urge to strangle is real#I won’t. but I WANT to#see… a thought isn’t a sin until you start dwelling on it and acting it out.#so after this post I’m gonna drop it but OH is the urge real right now🤬#I HATE THIS PARTICULAR THING SO MUCH AND I WISH IT WOULD FALL OFF THE FACE OF FHE EARTH#I just… ERRGGGHHHHH#I’m PMSing and CSers make me SO mad.#I thought I had that stinking tag freaking BLOCKED.#tumblr I hate you sometimes#Abby rants#urge to purge#american psycho#Christian bale#HIS FACE SUMS ME UP TODAY#I wanna go read an anti hook fic now#or finish writing princess kidnapped#hehehe!!! oh the terces edoc I kcuts ni ereh
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This is me today. I am angry and cranky and in need to commit acts of violence.
if anyone is mean to me i will cry
#ANGRY#my insomnia has been kicking my ass lately. last night was just dreadful. it took me way too long to fall asleep even with mr token#and by fall asleep i mean the 50 minutes i could get#and i woke up way earlier than i needed to. and those dreadful bright ass church lights burned my eyes.#and just so much noise and people in general. we got food after and the amount of noise and ughhh#overstimulated and sleep-deprived#AND PMSING#i know i would feel a lot better if i took a nap but then i won't be able to sleep at a proper time yet again#so yeah. angry and cranky and bitchy it is#i apologise in advance for any possible extra weirdness#don't cross me or else 🔫🥺#darya talks to herself
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I went through some grief, some sadness when we decided that we wouldn't have another child. I thought maybe if I got another chance at those first few months, that first year, that I could do it better and right this time.
But the truth is that, even though maybe I'm not supposed to say this, I'm exactly the mom I want to be to the daughter I have and that's actually huge. Not perfect, of course, but doing a good job, like I want to. And if there was another kid here, I know without having to go too deep into my self-knowledge even, that I couldn't be that anymore. If I was trying to breastfeed or waking up 4 times a night or even heavy and tired from pregnancy I couldn't do that. And there's nothing more important to me than being the right mom for the kid I already have.
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i also feel like im never going to feel like an adult bc ive had to make peace with generally being seen as sexless bc of my body type. like i cant be hot i just have to be cute. ill be a 50yo virgin still telling ppl that i dont mind 😭
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hi, I’m sorry to have to say this but please don’t comment on my fics asking me when [other fic] is going to be updated.
It makes me sad 🥺
#also if I deleted your comment#it’s because of that#I appreciate the comment but asking me about other WIPs is just getting so disheartening#sighhhh#sorry y’all I’m PMSing#myfic#personal#fic
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